the meaning of "my mother is a fish" in As I Lay Dying

    In William Faulkner's "As I Lay Dying", at page 52, there is a chapter, in the point of view of Vardaman, with only one sentence, which reads "My mother is a fish.". This is the start of a leitmotif that continues for the rest of the story. There are many instances of Vardaman saying, or thinking that his mother is a fish whenever he thinks about his mother. This motif is a part of the story's structure and evolves as the story goes on. This may seem strange, but there is a reason behind why this leitmotif exists. 

    The reason why Vardaman thinks his mother is a fish, most likely, has to do with trauma. In page 21 and 22, Vardaman is shown holding a fish he caught, which he plans to show to Addie. However, when he does show it to Addie, Addie is nearly dead, and dies 3 pages later. After that, Vardaman has some sort of mental breakdown, repeating the phrase "he kilt her" while running around the barn. This is when Vardaman is clearly changed mentally, because the event of his mother's death was shocking to him and made him start saying repeated phrases, not just "he kilt her", but also "cooked and et" and, of course, "my mother is a fish". The "my mother is a fish" chapter happens relatively soon after, and the idea of trauma being a cause is supported because since the recent traumatic event of his mother's death happened at the same time as him showing the fish to her, it caused the memories of the two events to be grouped together in his shocked mind to form "my mother is a fish".

    Over the course of the story, this leitmotif gets expanded upon, with characters noticing how Vardaman is repeating the phrase and the addition of "Jewel's mother is a horse". Darl says that phrase after Vardaman says his mother is a fish, because he thinks Jewel cares more about his horse than his mother. This phrase is usually used to complement "My mother is a fish", and "My mother is a fish" is mostly used by Vardaman to deny that his mother is dead. For example, he says "But my mother is a fish. Vernon seen it. He was there"(p61) after Anse says that they should all go in the wagon with Addie, implying that Addie can't possibly be in the coffin on the wagon, because she is a fish, hinting at the fact that Vardaman wants to believe that she is alive. However, when Addie's coffin falls into the river, "my mother is a fish" takes a much more literal meaning when Vardaman says it. This makes it seem like the thought was also a vision for Vardaman, because him thinking his mother was a fish happened before his mother fell into a river where fishes live. The impact of Vardaman's phrase changes over the course of the story, since it sounded nonsensical at first, but it became tied to a real event later, making it sound more serious.

    This leitmotif also relates to the hero's journey. In this case, Vardaman is the hero, and the leifmotif is an indication of the other world. Vardaman starts out in the normal world, which is before Addie's death. His mental state is normal and "my mother is a fish" doesn't exist yet. The call to adventure happens when Addie dies, and crossing the first threshold happens immediately after, because it's when Vardaman's mental state becomes strange due to the shock of hearing about Addie's death. The other world isn't the phrase "my mother is a fish", but is rather Vardaman's mental state that makes him say "my mother is a fish", which is why the phrase is related to the hero's journey by being an indication of Vardaman being in the other world. The apotheosis or climax happens near the end of the story, when Darl fails to get Addie's coffin out of the river, and Vardaman says "You never got her. You knew she is a fish but you let her get away. You never got her. Darl. Darl. Darl." this is when the motif is most relevant, because it takes on a literal meaning that hasn't been seen before. Vardaman doesn't seem to return to his normal state, so the hero's journey ends before the return phase in this case.

    In conclusion, Vardaman says "my mother is a fish" due to the shock of his mother's death changing his mental state and causing him to repeat a phrase that combines 2 events that happened at that time. This becomes a leitmotif that evolves throughout the story, starting as a nonsensical-sounding phrase that he says to deny that Addie died, and accidentally getting a new meaning when Addie falls into a river. It is tied to the hero's journey by being a representation of the initiation phase, since the "other world" is the mental state that makes Vardaman repeat phrases, mainly "my mother is a fish".